When a loved one is an Addict
The role played by those who care for and about an addict can be complicated and confusing. It is often easy to feed in to the Addicts behaviours such as lying and stealing and self pity.
Many of the steps taken by family members at these times can enable the behaviour of the addict to continue. <o:p>
It is important to stress however that whatever the loved ones do…
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
You did not cause it and you cannot control it.
When family members can take a step back and stop focusing on the Addict, it may help the addict reach the point where they realise that they need help.
But no two situations are ever the same, and what works for one addict may not help another.
We cannot change or control the behaviour of the addict, however we can learn and grow on a personal level and accept that we cannot Do things for the Addict but we can Be things.
If the situation becomes so, that you cannot be around the Addict any longer. You must try to deal with your feelings of guilt and accept that sometimes the only way forward is to detach sometimes refered to as
To let go with love.
By this we mean that you do not love that person any less, but sometimes the situation is only bearable from a distance.
This may be because there are children involved, or that you cannot trust the addict in your house or perhaps even that you just cannot stand to see what this person has become.
It is easy to stagnate at this point and mourn for the loss of your child, sibling, partner or parent. At this point we need to accept change in ourselves and accept the reality of our own situations, we are all capable of change, and the only change you can make is a positive change in yourself
We may have to face up to feelings that make us feel uncomfortable;
We may have out of love tried to control and manipulate the addict into behaving or fitting the image that we want for them.
We may have isolated ourselves and our other loved ones because of our fear and guilt.
We may have over – protected the addict when they needed Tough Love.
But the focus of this group is on your recovery, your journey, not the Addicts!
Sometimes change can only happen when the pain of not changing gets too great...
We hope that you will find a renewed energy by refusing to feel anxious about a future that you have no control over, and letting go of regrets and “if only’s”
We hope that you learn to use your energy in a positive manner instead of fretting about what may or may not happen. When we do this we only end up fatigued and possibly ill ourselves.
We hope that by sharing and talking about our experiences and sometimes even laughing about them, that we can all change our outlook and perspective about our situation.
This may seem hard to believe at points that you may ever feel like laughing again!
But we have learned to.
We cannot promise you anything…
We are not experts, Just family members like you who share similar experiences.
